Joe Biden’s entirely independent investigation into Hunter’s lucrative snake oil business reveals that President Trump is “The Big Guy” who is referred to throughout Hunter Biden’s recovered email messages. The lead investigator explained, “Our comprehensive investigation, which took the better part of the morning, quickly confirmed that Joe and Hunter Biden are both pure as the new fallen snow and would never, ever, consider doing anything questionable. It came as no surprise to us that Trump is, in fact, ‘The Big Guy’ and the only corrupt person in this entire sad affair.” In related news, House Democrats begin impeachment hearings against President Trump over his role in the matter.