[Trigger Warning: 10% Satire, 90% Truth]
2/24 – Biden announces that he is a proud Democrat running for the Roman Senate. Promises to bring back the feeding of Christians to lions.
9/17 – Biden announces an employment plan “if you were a quartermaster, you can sure as hell take care runnin’ a, you know, a department store uh, thing, you know, where in the second floor of the ladies department or whatever, you know what I mean?” While perhaps good news for the one out of work quartermaster out there looking for work in a second floor ladies department, this “statement” is viewed as bad news for the entire rest of American public.
9/26 – Biden harkens back to when he joined the Senate 180 years ago. Promises to begin impeachment hearings against Martin Van Buren.
10/12 – Biden refers to Mitt Romney as “the senator who was a Mormon, the governor, OK?”
10/12 – Biden announces that he is running for the Imperial Senate. Promises comprehensive health care for all Ewoks.
10/13 – Democrats everywhere rush to get their ballots in before Darth Biden declares war on Tatooine.