In a landmark day for womxn’s rights, a trans-human cheetah has smashed all existing women’s track world records. Rebecca’s press agent explained, “Rebecca was assigned the wrong species at birth. She was raised by her mother, a loving but sadly unenlightened individual, to be a cheetah but Rebecca has risen above her oppression-filled upbringing to become her true self.” The Left has hailed this as the greatest thing to happen to womxn’s sports since biological men were allowed to compete.