A visibly confused President Biden today declared war on Pandora. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin explained, “It actually came as a big relief to us. After realizing at the G7 summit last week that President Biden doesn’t know the difference between Libya and Syria we were worried he might do something rash like invade Canada. We have responded by giving him fictitious reports regarding a fictitious war on a fictitious world and the President seems content with that.” When confronted about this, President Biden stated, “I have every confidence in my guy who runs that outfit over there.”